I’ve known since I was a kid that I’m depressed. I even have infant photos of me, where I look like I just hate life. Other baby photos the baby is smiling, and interested in everything. Whereas I look like even though I’m too young to even have thoughts, I’m still giving off body language of “leave me alone”.
But when I started asking everyone I knew if they too were depressed, I haven’t gotten one single person to say that they’re happy. Everyone has said they’re depressed. So now I wonder if it’s a regional thing, or if everyone everywhere is depressed.
The world is fucked up, so it makes sense. Probably you got toxic traits from your caregiver(s), explaining even why as a child you felt that way. Try to enjoy the ride anyway - I mean, what have you got to lose, really? :-P
e.g., learn to forgive, ending with yourself.