I have given up trying to find a girlfriend. Even though, I am outgoing, have hobbies (I dance, which is actually filled with women), go to parties, talk to plenty of women. But I keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “I am just not so into skinny guys.”

I think this is fair from the woman’s perspective. I for one am only motivated to date attractive women. So, them not wanting to settle for less actually makes very good sense to me. There is absolutely no hate or bitterness regarding that. Fuck all that: ‘all women are whores’-noise.

That being said, I think I should just consider myself celibate by virtue of my own standards. But now bitterness is starting to take hold of me. Bitterness about my life and to me as a person. As I said I am very outgoing and don’t want to become the cynical asshole around my friends.

So how do I stop this?

Edit: I go to the gym on a regular basis.

  • throwawayOP
    21·
    3 months ago

    I don’t know what to tell you. I only blame myself for being this way. And every woman I meet has every right to refuse me. I do not deny that. I think my bitterness about my life is unfounded. Because it’s all by virtue of my own choices. I do not want to feel this way. Not to gain favours from women but for myself. For that I ask help. That’s it. Sorry you feel this way.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      21·
      3 months ago

      I wonder though. Two things - one, I think you probably look better than you think, if you dance and go to the gym I’m sure you are already in good shape and not too skinny. You probably look better than you think, it’s normal to see yourself with a hypercritical eye, try to look in the mirror and pretend it’s someone else. And as someone else mentioned, ask for feedback from your friends, who see you more objectively.

      Two - what kind of looks, that you think are so far off from yours? I mean, if you are finding plenty of women who meet your standards, maybe this is a misapprehension and you are not as picky as you think, nor as far apart in looks from those you find attractive . If you have impossible standards, that’s certainly something to work on, but maybe you are just thinking about this in a way that makes it feel impossible when it’s not.

      It can never hurt to take a step away for awhile and just work on yourself though. Be a person who you like, keep doing the things you love and enjoy them, let go of trying to date for a time, be nice to yourself.