- cross-posted to:
- adhd@lemmy.dbzer0.com
- cross-posted to:
- adhd@lemmy.dbzer0.com
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/26763464
Pro-tip: Asking permission to interrupt to say your bit goes down much much better than just interjecting
You must log in or register to comment.
I hate that it took me a while to figure this out.
I run into a group of autistic people that share a meeting space for support groups with the disability group I’m a part of. It was one of those things where early interactions went poorly because I just didn’t get it. The little things that I took (and sometimes still) for granted didn’t always apply.
Now, I start looking for the signs that some people give, the changes in body language and such. Makes it so much nicer for everyone involved in the conversation. But my favorite thing is how one specific cue has transferred over between the two groups.
There’s this one lady in the autism support group that, when she has an idea that’s exciting or interesting to her, lifts herself on her toes a little and says “ooh!” and then starts talking. It used to be taken poorly, but as time passed, not only does everyone just pause and pay attention to her, other people in both groups have picked it up. I catch myself doing it at home sometimes.
The little chat circle that forms between meetings varies in size, but almost every time, there’s going to be someone excited about something, and they’ll do the tiptoe hop (if they can, we have a goodly number that can’t), and say “ooh”, and everyone just stops and pays attention.
Ngl, it’s pretty awesome to me. Not just because both groups now use it without even thinking, but because it was passed around because of the joy behind it. One lady, just happy and eager, and that happiness spread.
Ugh. I’m a sales engineer. I work with an account executive. When she’s speaking to a client she often says, “blah blah blah u/MapleEngineer can expand on this” then just keeps talking. When I hear my name I come off mute, take a breath to speak, and she just…keeps…talking. I spoke to her about it and told her that when she says my name she should stop taking and let me explain. She kept doing it so I started just jumping in by saying, “Thanks, SalesWeasel, blah blah blah…” and speaking over her until she stops talking. She’s learning.
I feel your pain… don’t bring my name up and then ramble on for another 5mins and then expect me to go back to the 4 points you glossed over…
I believe it’s not necessarily unreasonable to expect you to just take notes of the points as they come up, and expand on them if requested by the client.
It also doesn’t make sense that mentioning your name should prompt you to immediately start explaining shit. People can mention you or something about you and move on. Maybe just acknowledge it briefly.
That’s not the way it works though.
I need to keep in mind what I am actually supposed to say, and what salesweasel got wrong. Then try to reconcile the two without making das weasel look bad.
If you mention me by name, as opposed to ‘we’, ‘the team’, etc. I will believe my input is required, then I will want to clarify things and put them in the most unambiguous terms.
Really though, I don’t want to be here, if you don’t need me (you talk over me, or diminish what I say) let me get on with things.
You should be aware that that’s an extremely autistic way to view this.
Maybe people should just understand that you don’t @ me if you don’t want me to chime in. It’s actually pretty fucking rude.
It’s rude to mention your name in passing as someone who could help understand a part of a larger topic if necessary, while staying on the larger topic, instead of immediately diverting?
There could be a reason for that…
Yeah, I’m arguing you should reconsider your stance.
Interesting, I had never considered ‘stop being autistic’ as a choice. Thanks for that.
Unrelated, my girlfriend just got a dog, I like them, but I prefer cats. Should I tell the dog to reconsider its stance?
She does not want you to contribute, that’s just her stop-gap when she doesn’t know about something. But she wants to sell things, not educate people.
She’s new and fairly tightly wound and feels the need to talk. I do the actual selling so she knows I need to talk and the places where she says that I can explain are the prefect places for me to talk for a couple of minutes. She getting better but I still catch her doing it sometimes. I Slack her when she does.
