Seriously… and oftentimes just combining both works better. “Hey sorry I’m late, I appreciate you all being patient” or “Hope that all makes sense, but please feel free to ask any questions if they come up”

I’m so happy to see a sane comment at the top here. So many of these are just stupid and border on alpha male don’t take not shit or admit fault crap.

“Thank you for your patience” gives me such a visceral reaction, lol

Agreed! It’s like…. You know we’re emailing other people too right? Not everyone is a delicate fucking flower that needs to be coddled. Yes there are better ways to word stuff, but typing as a medium often just leaves too much up to interpretation. A difficult conversation should be discussed on a call.

The last one is particularly important if you like to eat.

I will also attach old emails rather than repeat myself.

“Per my last email…”

good ‘ol corporate clap back

Our company “russian anthem starts playing”

I agree, but, you’d be surprised how many people find many of these seemingly innocuous distinctions offensive (if only a little bit). For example, I was once chided by HR for saying ‘no problem’ during a seemingly friendly discussion.

Most? I can definitely see “when can I expect an update?”, that one’s terrible. “It would be best if we” sounds pretty self-assured without a modifier such as “in my opinion” (which is what the original option was doing). “Nice catch!” is also a bit too honeyed and casual as well. But I don’t see a problem with the rest of them.

it’s a guide to being a soulless corporate cog

Yeah seriously, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake.

Yeah some of these sound straight up aggressive lol

My go to is usually like “I just wanted to touch base on [topic]” if I want an update on something without seeming like I’m pressuring them.

You may see it as forced formality, but these tips were created by a person with ADHD to help others who struggle with setting boundaries, especially with time. The creator is a Millennial comic artist. It helps me be more myself when I respect my schedule and don’t over-apologize, but I can understand that not everyone sees it the same way.

Also, carefully laying thoughts out in text for 40 minutes takes a lot less time than explaining it meaningfully to multiple people, probably more than once if it was important enough. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

To me calls are more about efficiency, I prefer to have a call and talk through a complex issue for 15 min instead of needing 5+ back and forth emails over an afternoon to get everyone on the same page.

Yes, either that or “I haven’t thought this through well enough that I can explain it in writing, so please let me fumble through an oral explanation and—in all likelihood—waste your time”.

Or, “I’m dyslectic and would prefer to talk rather than write”, which is fair enough, I think.

Some of them are great and can even make things less awkward for the other person. The “small error” one for example. The “I have an appointment” one is necessary when talking with higher ups in big companies who completely devalue your needs. But some are assholish, yeah.

Agreed, it is not always prudent to be overly assertive.

For example, I may be working with someone else on a project that is not time sensitive, but for my own planning I like to stay up to date on progress. I absolutely would reach out to someone with a “Just checking in, how are things going with X” because, well, that’s honestly all I’m doing. Checking in.

Meanwhile, saying “When can I expect an update?” is almost like saying “I don’t think you’re going fast enough and I’m getting impatient,” which sends the wrong type of message, makes me seem like a hardass, and might impact the quality of work if the other person suddenly feels rushed.

I totally agree, bottom left one screams of project manager that scheduled too much in your sprint and they’re pressuring you to finish everything asap

Also it depends on if the person holding you up is the client or some other employee at your company.

Often it is the client the holding you up. In which case the best thing to do is send them an email about a week before the actual target date just to remind them, especially if they’ve done this before.

Yup, I just talk the way I want to talk.

I talk with my own character, politely and everyone is happy.

I don’t understand what businesses some people are working in that you’d need to be so careful with how you talk.

I work for a global multi billion dollar company and never had issues, plus the higher ups don’t even talk like this in meetings unless it’s some official email or something.

This is borderline toxic management lol.

Good luck finding a good workplace in a capitalist society.

deleted by creator

This is a fantastic comment, thank you. I think it’s fascinating that there is such a mixed reaction, and your explanation certainly helps me make sense of it.

Agreed. The former sounds like “How’s it coming?” and the latter sounds like “What’s taking so long?”

One tip here is to remove “just” as it will come across as more confident. The use of “just” is often unnecessary and can come across as apologetic.

Instead of either, I like asking if they have any further questions.

Totally agree. I think for me these are more about increasing confidence and assertiveness in communication rather than just better wording.