coffins are reactionary. “ohhh but i need my body for resurrection in the end times.” slow down bozo. god can rebuild your body like dr. manhattan.
through god all things are possible, so jot that downgive me the mushroom suit or shoot me out of a cannon
“ohhh but i need my body for resurrection in the end times.”
Pull your brains out of your nose with a hook, put all your important organs in some jars full of salt, and stuff your empty chest cavity with natron, THEN I’ll start taking that claim of yours half seriously
I just don’t understand that reasoning they know coffins rot right? It’s like when people refuse to donate organs it’s either saving someones life or feeding a worm but someone’s getting them off you
asked my pastor about this back in the 90s and he pointed me to some weird scriptures that he interpreted as meaning that bodies got remade into their healthiest state as they were called up to heaven, but they had no blood
Idk what the significance was of “no blood,” but I remember that was very important.
(Maybe he thought Jesus was the only person with blood in heaven?)
Important theological question: what goes on with Jesus’ blood during the week?
Wyoming Catholics alone, even accounting for paltry church attendance and assuming that they take 1 mL sips, drain an entire adult man every Sunday. You can’t make up for that in real time with a sugar cookie and some orange drink. Does he just eat like crazy and swell up like a mosquito in between? Is that 144,000 figure just the only way to preserve his cardiovascular health?
I wanna get cremated, then have my ashes pressed into a haunted gem
i’m on my yummy soul gem arc
I want a “green burial”. No embalming, no coffin, only shroud.
I never understood the Cadillac coffin. Can’t you just put me in a plywood box and call it a day?
Can’t you just put me in a plywood box and call it a day?
they do make cardboard coffins - but they’re also expensive (Titan, the company shown in the OP for example, sells one that is $500)
You might as well just try to die in a state that allows natural burials and just dig a hole in advance lol. The real racket is though that most states that do allow green/natural burials, you still have to purchase a plot in some sort of cemetery. I should be able to just bury myself in the woods surrounding the public park
For a couple hundred more dollars, you could get a new refrigerator and bury yourself in the box it came in
I can’t afford to purchase a plot to live on AND a plot to die in. Can I just buy the cemetery plot now, and live there until I die? No funeral costs that way too.
In the running for best review I’ve read, ever…and it’s for that casket: “***** My mother, who normally complains about everything, had no complaints and my father said it was the best purchase he ever made.” Brilliant execution, layered comedy. Top notch stuff, Peter
Are American gravesites really never reused?
Around here the norm is that gravesites are rented. Usually families will pay to keep the plot for as long as the people who knew the deceased are alive and able to tend to the plot. After that it is allowed to expire and be used for new burials.
No, eventually all of America will be a graveyard
all of America will be a graveyard
I kid, I kid.
Are American gravesites really never reused?
Around here the norm is that gravesites are rented. Usually families will pay to keep the plot for as long as the people who knew the deceased are alive and able to tend to the plot. After that it is allowed to expire and be used for new burials.
It definitely depends. Most of the cemeteries I’ve grown up around do have some sort of time-limit on plots like that (like 100 years iirc?) - but I mean, I also know of at least two ‘memorial gardens’ that are literally full and haven’t done a burial in years. Presumably these are plots people are still paying for, because the economics doesn’t make sense to me otherwise - especially since the ones I’m thinking of are quite literally the nicest cemeteries in my hometown.
Actually looking at their site, one of the ones I’m talking about - which is actually owned and maintained by the town - has sold all the plots and apparently they are either indefinite in terms of time or otherwise not listed anywhere.
Just throw my body out into the woods and give me a stick to beat away the wild animals
I think you may misunderstand funerals quite dramatically
Guarantee you I could build myself a coffin for less than $200
plywood? look at this bourgeoise wannabe. wrap me in an old bedsheet with a hole in it.
Just throw me in the dang trash
… What’s the hole for?
the hole is so that you can use an old sheet from the closet to bury me in instead of one of the good ones
poop chute
My dad always says to just roll him into a ditch.
see this is why I have instructed my family to use my body in a prank. For example dump me on a train with false identification and a letter incriminating a sitting politician for murdering me
now that’s a funeral plan
🤩 role model
drumpf is finished
their caskets cost $1200-2000 and probably even more, what an incredible racket
when I go just tie me to a rocket and fire it at tel aviv
I want a viking funeral. By that I mean light my body on fire and yeet it onto a billionaire’s yacht.
Just throw me into a ditch.
Bit Idea: Deathbed conversion to Zoroastrianism so they have to feed me to the vultures.
Wait, that’s a zoroastrian thing? I can force them to let me get eaten?
Yeah, Zoroastrians practice sky burials, where the bodies are placed on platforms for vultures, who are thought to be messengers from heaven. Joking aside, I think it’s a pretty cool and ecologically conscious way to go and I wish it was more common.
If I could a sky burial is how I’d like to be disposed of, but unfortunately both the law and my family are opposed to this idea and I’ll be too dead to argue with them. Next best thing would be a natural burial with a tree planted over me, I can’t think of a better grave marker than that
If everyone did that there’d be trees everywhere total chaos
That would be based though
Enshitification is happening faster than anyone could’ve ever imagined
Ok but Buy now die later is a great slogan
Fun fact tall people get their legs chopped off to fit in caskets
please tell me this was a joke
if it’s true, in the unlikely event I outlive him, I’m now definitely going to cremate my very tall husband regardless of his wishes
wtf
this is not a joke.
cw: graphic, gruesome
Removing limbs or feet is a technique used sometimes. The point is to make the body look good above the waist in an open casket. Also mortuaries do a lot more than just that.
for instance, the head is embalmed separately from the rest of the body, so every dead body you’ve seen at a funeral has had its head cut off and sewn back on, or put on a pvc pipe or something. I’ve even heard of mortuaries using duct tape. Also if a body has been completely decimated and will be difficult to reassemble, the mortuary term for where they get placed is a “disaster pouch.” Also if the body had an autopsy, the organs will have been removed, then put into a bag. The bag is often simply sewn back into the ribcage without consideration for where they actually go, so the organs end up together as a big lump sewn back into the ribcage
I’m sorry to tell you all of this. One side of my family works in the funeral business (they’re preachers and funeral directors, stuff like that) so I’ve heard everything. Honestly so much of this seems so much of a hassle that you’re right. People should just get cremated.
Whew. Well! Gonna try to stuff all that down the memory hole, otherwise idk if I’ll ever attend another funeral that involves a casket because I won’t be able to stop thinking about the duct tape and the jumbled bag. 😂🤦 jfc!
When I die, it’ll be of something hypertension-related from living in the suburbs. Cremate me and throw my ashes on a car-brained urban planner.
a taken on an old tradition I guess
If just 200 of us chip in, we can get $90 coffins from China
i think charnel houses and ossuaries are fine if you’re that sensitive about keeping bones around but coffins are just ridiculous decadence. why the fuck they gotta be so big when when they’re going to contain 1/10 of the mass in so many years?
What really irks me about American coffins is how they’re made of non-biodegradable materials. Those metal rails are going to stay in the ground forever.
And I don’t even know how American-style coffins works in crematoria. They must be removing the deceased and burning them which doesn’t seem very dignified. And what are they doing with the coffin afterwards?
And what are they doing with the coffin afterwards?
resale, baby! just kidding you dont purchase a coffin for a cremation, if the corpse is on display beforehand i guess you could rent one
but they dont care about biodegradability that spot is supposed to be the forever trash bin for their corpse till the end times, not for growing things or building over it or nothing
Fuckin’ Six Feet Under looking ass grift
Throw my body into the fire
Was searching for ‘walnuts’ the other day on Costco’s website and it pulled up caskets for sale.
