The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street

Yup, that’s the one that stayed with me for years as a genuine life lesson. It is true, too - people quickly and easily fly into paranoid fits, they isolate and blame “the other” among even themselves. Anyone who’s lived in a small town has seen the same dynamics play out.

Would we call this “It-hauer”?

Due to a paperwork error and problem with VAT (long story), I ended up being owed something like €505 from a motorcycle dealership not even in the EU. They gave me a €500 and a €5 to settle everything. It was like being given a little purple gold bar. I was terrified of losing it somehow, and then just wanted to run to the bank as fast as I possibly could to get rid of it.

Have you heard about drugs?

And the $50 is not widely used, so it’s more often scrutinized as counterfeit when presented somewhere.

Did this once - had a dream I killed my asshole roommate in college. Started to pack up my stuff to try and get to Mexico before anyone found the body. Then I woke up and was wondering why my stuff wasn’t packed - and why had I taken a nap when I need to be packing! FFS! Then slowly realized I hadn’t murdered anyone… yet…

Hard agree with you on this. YHWH was just a god of war and thunder before the other gods of the Judean pantheon got dropped. YHWH is violent, mean, needlessly cruel, and seems to genuinely relish in death and destruction. Death and destruction is pretty much the only tool YHWH knows how to use for the entire OT, and employs a “chosen people” to simply go about doing YHWH’s killing for him. I have no idea where all the “love and peace” stuff is supposed to come from, it’s a total 180 from YHWH’s entire existence up to Jesus being some grassroots radical hippie. Who is, let’s recall, killed in a needless cruel and terrible way because that’s what suits YHWH’s needs. No other reason.

There’s a whole weird Evangelical belief that once a bunch of checklist items have been fulfilled, then it sets the stage for the return of Jesus and the rapture. As if Jesus is up in heaven like “Gosh, God and I are powerless to do anything down there! If only these people would complete my scavenger hunt!”

The parts that I remember from being raised like this was that Jewish religious leaders need to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem, then there’s something with a cow with 100% red hair that needs to be sacrificed and the ashes used to do some ritual. Decades ago, there was already some silly “breeding program” for red cows, just to have one always ready, and so now they’re churning out red heifer ashes, as if it’s Jesus fertilizer or something. Here’s a website that if it wasn’t describing a widely-held belief, would just be the ravings of a lunatic.

Edit: here’s another site that explains the red heifer ashes in more insane context.

It’s because the context is 2 layers down. FactPostNews is anti-Trump and covering batshit crazy stuff like this. But the interview itself was with an Evangelical podcaster named Bryce Crawford. He directly and specifically asked Vance about the End Times. From an article on the interview and that specific quote:

“What do you think about the end times?” Bryce Crawford asked, referring to the Christian belief that the world as we currently know it will someday end, and that Jesus will return. “Do you think it’s here? Do you think it’s coming?”

Vance replied that he has “always been fascinated” by eschatology and stated that the Antichrist, a figure in Christian lore who will allegedly pose as a Jesus-like figure, may be “walking among us.” The vice president also added that he is “ok” with his actions leading to the end times if that is what happens:

“Do I think that we’re in the end times? I don’t know. And I think that it’s probably bad for me spiritually to focus too much on it because there are like, things that you gotta do. I gotta be good to my wife. I gotta be good to my kids. I have to be as good of a leader as I can for the United States of America. And so, I think that focusing on – while I’m fascinated by it – focusing on it is, too much of it can be very bad. I think that there are like, things about the world that make me feel like not shocked if the Antichrist was walking among us. But again, I try not to focus too much on it…So, I tend to think like, while I wouldn’t be shocked if we are living in the end times, what I’m trying to focus on is doing as much of God’s work as possible right now. And if that leads to the end times, ok. And if that leads to you know, us building a better world that thrives and survives for a very long time after I’m gone, that’s great too.”

Edit: article: https://uk.news.yahoo.com/jd-vance-says-doing-god-223836378.html

Yeah, but where can I find neurodivergent people 24 hours a day, ready to answer…oh, wait I’m already here.

Yes, that’s correct. See, look, you can get that right. Why not go personally inspect puffin habitats and let me know where they are?

Chat, is this shitpost real?

“Oh hey, I just got my new braces done there!”

New ad on the other side of the wall: “Injured? Call Jacoby & Meyers, Personal Injury Attorneys!”

“Wait…why would this ad be-* OW, OW, OW!*”

Is that how Indiana Jones got immortality? Vienna sausage water?

The translation of the Greek term for summer is “good weather.”

Go back to whatever frigid Baltic rock you came from, OP. Talk shit about me with the puffins, it’s fine.

When I was a kid, I didn’t have cable, and my friend did. I saw Naked Chef on the schedule and begged him to just see what was on there. He knew, and told me it wasn’t porn. But I wouldn’t let it rest until I confirmed that yes, it was, in fact, not porn.

This, along with something wrong with the heat. Why isn’t it browned? Did they steam this loafpocalypse? Maybe too much water, based on the tendrils along the sides.

I’m almost thinking this is a ragebait post.

“You hypocrites…"

Yeah, that about sums up this douche canoe.

TIL I am an advanced toilet engineer.

“Sorry, you can’t use basic flush again for 90 seconds.”