Could be Tank Girl, who knows

Because we already call that a hip-check.

Edit your router settings to refuse packeta served from their domains.

yes, but there’s no demand for it

That is to say, the flat planet will feel like a bowl, because the further out you are the more steeply sloped it is relative to the pull of gravity.

you CAN do that — go inside and say “$30 on pump 3”

you pay cash in advance and it cuts off when you hit $30

More of a bread guy, but yeah, I know him.

Because otherwise the parakeet bones might have gone to waste.

Wham! — Wake Me Up

TMBG — Wake Up Call

Bullfrog ft. Kid Koala — Music for More Morning People

(I used to use Hokus Pick’s “I’m So Happy” but it just hits different under the current presidential administration)

open it up, there’s no law saying meat can’t touch the griddle plate

and REAL sandwich enthusiasts say sammy or sammich, not the plebian “sando”

If you haven’t played Universal Paperclips, now is the time.

like, when your head gets stuck in a bannister or a suitcase handle or whatever

gravy, mostly

At fancy restaurants, diners sit for longer and have more if an experience, and we’re not going to rush them at all. So, 20% on four (because each table needs more attention) $100 tables, two or three times a night.

Except $100 is low for even two people, and tables will often be four or even six. Figure $2K a night in sales and you’re closer to reality, $3K on the weekends or for a brunch shift. So at 22% (because anyone who can serve at that level pulls more than the 20% baseline) you’re looking at $450-650 in gross tips.

But because no one works alone at that level, expect that a third to half of that will go to tipping out the bar staff, bussers, food runners, and backwaiters, so more like $250-400 in a six-hour shift, or about $50/hr… plus wages. At a fancy place. Based on my experience.

If you’re slinging eggs at a diner you’re much more subject to walk-in traffic but less subject to high rollers. You’re also much more subject to the local cost of living, so here in Chicago you’re probably still making $20-40/hr in tips after tipout, but in South Dakota a lot less… and your wage will be lower, too.

I have to quibble with the idea that a fine dining server works no harder than an egg-slinger, though, as someone who’s done both. Fine dining takes a lot more attention, patience, and training; a lot of the work is preparation and goes unseen by the patrons — as it should be.

a rapidly descending point, you mean?

But not these ones, better ones.

panini press

20%, rounded up, plus $2 per messy kid at the table, though I may slip that directly to the busser who comes to clean it

BUT if I receive a discount I tip on the amount before discount AND the tip should be at least as much as the discount was unless it was to recover for server error

it is done

a large bottle of Yucateco Red Habanero and $75 in produce vouchers from the Green City Farmers’ Market