Good choice, still fuck that.

I will never get over C’s string references being in fucking octal.

Fuck software patents.

Other blunt instruments may have similar success; experimental research is ongoing.

Jesus fuck, unironic “but her e-mails” as the republic circles the drain.

Hillary was accused of deleting information, for future records. The polar opposite of these buffoons doing fascism in a group chat. Except for all the times they’ve also done what she was accused of, despite screaming bloody murder about her maybe doing it.

We have ruined everything in the name of sportsball.

Man who gets punched for a living demands fascism.

Extroverts cannot comprehend introverts.

Applying this to libre software seems a bit silly.

Using GIMP instead of Photoshop is still denying business to an American company, even if the original guys are from California.

Pattern recognition with tolerable near-misses is where neural networks are fucking magic.

Most public issues with AI come from money-addicts strapping this sort of pretty-good-guesser directly to a radiation gun and then surprising you with it when you walk in with a broken arm.

A king bun!

Honestly, fuck isGlitch. They have no idea how to construct satire. Half the headlines would not stand out on The Register, and the rest usually fumble a decent premise. They desperately need an editor.

• Microsoft Introduces Nuclear-Powered Chatbot That Still Can’t Tell If Image Contains Hot Dog

The silliest part of this is simply true, and the punchline is just dumb. The premise is ‘all that power, and they still can’t [trivial thing]?’ Except “Not Hot Dog” was famously a real thing, a decade ago. HBO defictionalized that specific trivial thing. They would be better-off with a cheap reference like “still can’t tell why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”

• Musk: “Resistance Is Futile,” Vows DOGE War on Fire Departments

Crossposts show a bunch of people taking this seriously, which is a sign that you failed at satire. It’s not “eating the onion.” This is the hellscape we live in, and the absurd elements invoked are plausible. Do something about replacing firetrucks with Cybertrucks. They’re a free laugh and you can suggest they’re never far from a raging inferno.

• Roku’s “Breaking Point” Study Measures Exact Moment Users Throw TVs Out Window

This one’s good. No notes.

• Reddit’s “ThoughtCrime AI” Can Ban You for Thinking About Luigi

Revise, revise, revise. A punchline needs to hit. You already used “thought” at the start, so it can’t be the reveal. Also that’s not what thoughtcrime means. You could almost reference facecrime by saying it censors based on typing, like if you linger too long after “I think Elon should”. Banning based on what you type and delete is sadly plausible.

• Tesla Anonymous: Where Owners Hide Cars Like Shameful Secrets

This reads like an actual thing. And it’s purple as hell. Scrap it and reach for the absurd: “Tesla offers giant Groucho Marx glasses to disguise cars.” “Model S owner makes engine noises with mouth to fool nearby drivers.” “Ashamed Tesla driver seen charging parade float.” “Conversion kits disguise Cybertruck as less-embarrassing Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.”

• Study on Deadly Email Signatures Kills Six People With Traffic

Again, “deadly” can’t be the second word and the punchline. This is aiming for the absurdity of “Deadly Super Rainbow Tears Through West Coast” but whiffs. (Honestly that Onion classic could’ve been rearranged.) And the study killed six? The study generated traffic? This should be about a FEMA cleanup effort, or saying people were “buried alive.”

• OpenAI Proposes “Creator Conscription Act” to Draft All Artists

Absurd beyond belief: check. Humorous: not so much. It’s not great at first blush, and it doesn’t get better as you think about it. They already take everyone’s art. If anything OpenAI would want people coerced into drawing, so they have more to scrape.

• Saudi Prince: Catch Embassy-Exclusive Rare Pokémon Now

Punchline goes at the end.

“There’s too many people! We must rule with an iron fist!”

“… birthrates have plummeted! We must rule with an iron fist!”

Tangential, but: communities should be linked in the form of !name @ server.tld.

Any instance that silences ‘this instance has problems’ has problems.

Is the embedded video part of the Lemmy update? That’s a mixed bag.

Maybe because it’s not limited. If your comfort games were in RPG Maker, then 24-bit pixels are right, but good art is wrong. If they were on consoles, they should be aggressively paletted and tiled.

Try homebrew. An NES or SNES game will always look about right, because breaking those limits is a thousand times harder than embracing them.

But for peaceful purposes only!

This absolutism is jarring against your suggestion of applying the same technology to medicine.

Siri predates this architecture by a decade. And you still want to write off the whole thing as literally useless if it’s ever ever ever wrong… because god forbid you have to glance at whatever e-mail it points to. Like skimming one e-mail to confirm it’s from your mom, about a flight, and mentions the time… is harder than combing through your inbox by hand.

Confirming an answer is a lot easier than finding it from scratch. And if you’re late to the airport anyway, oh no, how terrible. Everything is ruined forever. Burn your computers and live in the woods, apparently, because one important e-mail was skipped. Your mother had to call you and then wait comfortably for an entire hour.

Perfect reliability does not exist. No technology provides it. Even with your prior example, phone alarms - I’ve told Android to re-use the last timer, when I said I wanted twenty minutes, and it didn’t go off until 6:35 PM, because yesterday I said that at 6:15. I’ve had physical analog alarm clocks fail to go off in the morning. I did not abandon the concept of time, following that betrayal.

The world did not end because a machine fucked up.

Finally, we have built the Torment Nexus, from the beloved book Do Not Build The Torment Nexus.