As with most relationships, the “secret” is open and honest communication. It’s of course not a secret, but it is often not what people try initially anyway. I think too much of the rest of life is about the opposite that it just starts to feel wrong to be vulnerable and honest with someone. In our specific case, one of the parts of being open and honest is that we are not going to know if someone is trying to be subtle. But having a daily discussion or if you prefer to keep things spontaneous, pushing a little deeper anytime an opportunity comes up to be open with each other can help if you both feel comfortable doing so.

I have mostly only had success with dating apps, for me specifically eHarmony, I’m sure other dating apps work too, but I liked that one best when I did my research 10 years ago. I don’t know if it’s still the same. I had technically had a relationship before using a dating site, but I wasn’t aware I was in a relationship, so it didn’t go super well. Dating sites are good at making sure both participants are aware they are intending to start a relationship with each other, hehe.

You will definitely immediately cut your prospects by starting out openly and honestly. Listing your known faults, and looking for other people who have done the same. But once you find them. The resulting relationship will feel alot better. Plus, by finding someone with faults that don’t bother you, or that you are ok working with, you will have found someone that meets more of the positive traits you desire that is still on your overall level.

To give an example, most people unfortunately consider having children to be a big negative for dating prospects. It doesn’t bother me at all, so it dramatically helps me to find a much better person than I would otherwise be “worth”. I’m sure you can think of things most people would consider to be a negative that you don’t. As weird as it is to think about people this way, it can be very worth doing.

And speaking of worth, there are lots of ways to improve your own worth. Common traits that tend to help are general “handiness” around the house. Alot of that sort of stuff is way more accessible there than you may currently realise. Being in-shape, but not “too” in-shape is generally a good idea, and also more accessible than you may currently think. And while it’s not true that money is the most important thing to most people, it certainly doesn’t hurt to have. But what’s more important is job security, knowing that you have a steady job, or valuable skillset that would land you on your feet no matter what is a huge boost on average in the long term dating/relationship “market”. But on the flip side, not having a job might be the negative that someone else is looking for in a partner. Having someone available to stay at home can be handy for someone that already has enough single income to support more people.

This is intended to be written as gender neutral, but I am a guy that likes women, so that is my base perspective, some of it may have unintentionally biased the advice.