Once, I discovered the perfect flyswat. It just so happened that after a long battle to get a fly to leave peacefully, the closest thing to hand was an empty plastic clothes basket. You know the kind, with lots of holes through all the sides.

In frustration I grabbed the basket and swatted the fly. It made an amazing “swoosh” sound, like swinging a pipe in Streets of Rage. I can only imagine the blind panic as the fly executed its usual escape manoeuvre, only to find that the object it attempted to dodge was less of a rolled-up newspaper, and instead the swat equivalent of a star destroyer.

Finally, a strike back for team human…