I get what you mean, but the analogy does not work so well. Names are inherently individual. We got used to know hundreds of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you expect to learn a "new" name just for that person. Likewise, most people don't make a fuzz if you get their name wrong the first couple of times. It's something which has to be asked, and learned.
On the other hand, gender is mostly inferred, and we used to use only two of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you're expected to already know the correct gender. Likewise, most people react insulted if you misgender them, even if only once. It's something you're supposed to just know.
My point is, many people have a strong social training to correctly guess the gender of a person before talking to them. To suppress this automatism and replace it with an active ask-individually-approach can be stressful, although we have a similar scheme with names already.
Its irrelevant for this topic of discussion. Pronouns are a linguistic element with already clearly defined rules, proper nouns are chosen and have always been chosen. To answer you I'd say calling someone by some name other than theirs to be disparaging is not OK, referring to someone using a pronoun corresponding to their biological sex is perfectly OK.
If you change your name, and I believe people shouldn't be able to change their name, is it ok for me to only use your old name?
I get what you mean, but the analogy does not work so well. Names are inherently individual. We got used to know hundreds of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you expect to learn a "new" name just for that person. Likewise, most people don't make a fuzz if you get their name wrong the first couple of times. It's something which has to be asked, and learned.
On the other hand, gender is mostly inferred, and we used to use only two of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you're expected to already know the correct gender. Likewise, most people react insulted if you misgender them, even if only once. It's something you're supposed to just know.
My point is, many people have a strong social training to correctly guess the gender of a person before talking to them. To suppress this automatism and replace it with an active ask-individually-approach can be stressful, although we have a similar scheme with names already.
How do you know my old name? You aso me my name and I tell you.
Someone choosing their own name is already common enough, and is not a question of distortion of language. It's not the same as pronouns.
Answer the question, is it ok or not?
Its irrelevant for this topic of discussion. Pronouns are a linguistic element with already clearly defined rules, proper nouns are chosen and have always been chosen. To answer you I'd say calling someone by some name other than theirs to be disparaging is not OK, referring to someone using a pronoun corresponding to their biological sex is perfectly OK.