My girlfriend says she doesn’t like that I don’t work and don’t do anything to “develop myself”. I have passive income that’s more than enough for us to live rather comfortably in the city I live in. I pretty much support her at the moment, as well as myself, but she says she doesn’t want to get a job because I don’t have one, and that annoys her that I’ll be able to sit at home and do what I want or just be busy with my hobbies.
I told her that I’m not forcing her to work, and even if she does work, she would only have to work like 2 days a week, not even a lot, but she says that it would bug her that I’m just sitting at home.
I get that she has the right to want someone who has ambition, but I also have the right to just live on what I have.
I told her that I’m willing to cook and clean and do most of the house work, but she says that she can do all of that by herself.
I’m assuming this is a Nobody Is the asshole situation?
I would indeed say nobody is the asshole here, but your girlfriend is very immature and lacks self-awareness.
People in general want status and wealth. Both are useful things to have in life, status gives you people to help you do what you want and wealth gives you resources to do what you want.
Your girlfriend wants those things and she doesn’t feel like she got them, even though objectively, if you can sustain yourself without working, you’re very wealthy. But it doesn’t feel like that because you can probably barely sustain yourself, i.e. you can’t go on cruises every 2 months and buy sports cars.
This is obviously a very materialistic and imo toxic worldview/desire, even though it’s very pervasive throughout our society.
But the more specific thing imo here is how women’s attraction works. This is not a universal thing, but most women are very attracted by ambition or drive, because it is a signal that you will be able to provide for a family. This is not a rational attraction, i.e. it doesn’t matter if you’re already rich and could potentially provide, the attraction for even more ambition as a character trait is still there.
Then what many women also want is a man to “follow”. Maybe daddy issues. They want a man to look up to, one that is strong, smart, good, confident, ambitious, a leader. Most often more than themselves. That’s why she says she can’t work when you don’t work. She wants you to remain in this “superior” attractive position, which wouldn’t be the case if she worked and you didn’t.
So in my opinion, she’s essentially trying to make you more attractive to her so she can stay with you, because she likes you and how her life is set up. But she’s unaware how toxic that is. She’s unaware how her attraction works. She’s extremely materialistic. She seems very entitled imo. I would say she’s the asshole, but at the same time I can’t quite blame her either, because all these things are very often what society tells you is good or happen very naturally, and you have to be exposed to certain ideas and do a lot of self-reflection to get away from this thinking.
It’s up to you to figure out what to do here. I probably would tell her all these things and see how she reacts. I certainly wouldn’t change anything I’m doing if I was in your position.