I’m sorry if this post is a bit too long or emotional, but I would really appreciate if someone read it and told me their thoughts. I feel very isolated in my experiences, and I would really appreciate being heard.

I was 18 years old when I made the worst decision of my entire life.

I used to work at a restaurant, and developed worsening upper back pain. I stupidly pushed through it, thinking it wasn’t too big of a deal. One day when I was working, my arms went nearly limp in an instant, and I could barely move them. I went home early, and my parents told me it wasn’t a big deal. I was freaked out, but weakness subsided after a week.

Although not taken until much later, an MRI scan would later reveal a herniated spinal disc at vertebrae C7-T1 making contact with my spinal cord. This event set the stage for the horrors that awaited me.

Whenever I bent my neck over too far or lifted a heavy object, I would have a dull pain in the location of the herniated disc, indicating pressure in the area. One day later, I would get a surge of neurological pain and sensations across my entire body. At first, it was localized to my arms and legs, but then it spread to everywhere else below my neck. These flare-ups were very painful and distressing, and lasted for weeks at a time, before dying down to some minimum constant level of pain.

My parents told me it was no big deal, probably just pinched nerves. Then for class one day, I looked down for 2 hours to take an exam. And one day later, it took over my entire body.

Now, even my face and head were in pain and having random muscle twitches, I developed POTS, I had pain and flashes in my eyes, and my vision became permanently darker. I felt random acceleration, my pupils were rapidly growing and shrinking, I had to pee every 5 seconds, one side of my face began drooping, my throat was twitching, I felt like I had to throw up constantly, and I developed tremors.

Desperate to hold on to this less terrifying pinched nerve theory, I discovered a harrowing implication: the nerves that innervate the face, eyes and vestibular system are attached to the brainstem, not the spinal cord.

I sought medical treatment immediately. All of my vitamin levels checked, all common diseases checked for, like Lyme disease, even more obscure metrics like copper levels. All normal. I finally got to see a neurologist, and he told me it was just small-fiber neuropathy. I asked him about the other issues I had like visual disturbances, the sudden onset of POTS I had just gotten diagnosed with, and the muscle movements (small-fiber is supposed to be sensory and unrelated to spinal injury). He simply waved those away and said that might be something unrelated, despite the fact that it all happened right after I bent my neck and I was completely healthy before all of this. I saw another neurologist, who told me to just listen to the first one.

A spine specialist told me that the spinal cord “still has room to move around,” with regards to the herniated disc being in contact with it, but the fact that pressure there corresponded with a neurological explosion of symptoms the next day, every time and without fail, seems VERY suspicious to me. My PCP also mentioned it as something concerning.

One time, I had an episode of confusion and could barely move my arms and legs, so I went to the emergency room. After waiting 15 hours, they told me to just go home.

Meanwhile, my parents told me I was overexaggerating and my dad even told me I was making it all up for attention. Having gotten extensive tests and being dismissed by doctors and everyone around me for months on end, I just gave up and accepted the outcome, even if it meant death. I had developed extreme anxiety as a result of watching my body’s systems failing every day, so my PCP offered anti-anxiety pills. I took them and tried to forget about everything, telling myself that everything will probably be okay if I just never bend my neck the wrong way ever again. Obviously, not the greatest long-term strategy, but I wanted to return to some semblance of sanity. It was an extremely horrifying and painful experience for months on end, filled with feelings of dread, horror, and betrayal, and I was just so tired at this point.

I am now 21 years old and it has been over 2 years since this all began. Most of my symptoms died down to a low level, but I still occasionally get a new one. (Now, I also suffer from loud auditory hallucinations and my breathing randomly stopping when trying to sleep.) It seems that the progression hasn’t stopped, only slowed significantly, since I haven’t gotten another flare-up yet.

Considering that I’m not dead yet, I started wondering if I still have a chance to turn this around, maybe at least get surgery to move the disc out of the way. But considering how badly things went 2 years ago, it feels like a very tall order. How do I ensure that doctors look into the issue more instead of giving me an unfitting diagnosis and dismissing the wider context?

  • Nollij@sopuli.xyz
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    11 months ago

    Can I ask if you’re a woman? The reason I bring that up is how completely dismissive multiple people are of your symptoms. Many women report having that specific reaction, but few men do.

    Even if it is “just a pinched nerve”, that’s not a small, ignorable issue. It needs proper medical treatment, or you can suffer greatly from it. Not just from nerve damage, but from whatever is causing the pinch.

    I won’t speak to what actual medical condition you might have, but your doctors should be helping you dig into that. You can research potential conditions to discuss with them. An engaged patient might spur them into action. It also helps to give them some ideas if you have something more rare (or not presenting in a common way)

    You also probably need to find new doctors. You mentioned that your PCP is on your side, which is a good start. Ask them for more recommendations, particularly for the reason that you are feeling ignored. Also, don’t dismiss the ones that are actually doing tests- I know it’s frustrating that they aren’t finding anything, but they are at least ruling out possibilities. At 21, you really should not have chronic/debilitating illness without a real diagnosis.

    (Side note: back surgery is more invasive and life-changing than you would think. Please don’t take that option lightly)

    • seal_of_approval@sh.itjust.worksOP
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      11 months ago

      I’m a man, though I suspect my young age and anxiety led to people labeling me as “just another teenager with health anxiety,” which undermined my position, despite how impossibly difficult it was to remain stoic.

      As for my parents, that’s generally because I have toxic relationships with them and they are extremely hesitant to consider anything I think and believe. For example, despite my vehement disagreement, they told me that if I got vaccinated for COVID, they would kick me out onto the streets even though I had no financial footing and was struggling with my condition. Having no car or daily routine that would make it feasible for me to get vaccinated behind their backs, I eventually contracted the Delta variant and was forced to endure the full infection. I now have chronic cough.