I’ve completely given up on finding someone to spend my life with. I’m 27m and I have nothing to offer outside of love. Every girl I’m even slightly attracted to already has a boyfriend. I’m not unattractive but I have resting bitch face and I’m intimidating. I’ve lived my whole life with people being afraid of me which fuels my need for companionship. I know I’m not owed anything from anyone but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt.

Anymore I’ve just accepted that I’m going to die alone because I’m only going to be wanted for what I can provide when I just want to be fucking loved. My own family doesn’t even love me. All they can talk about is how I’m not good enough or I’m not applying myself correctly.

I hate being a man…

I have to take care of a 3 year old with pink eye giving her antibiotic eye drops 4 times a day for a week. It’s like wrangling a greased screaming pig. She doesn’t sleep though the night from the coughing, so i dont sleep through the night. I’m all alone while my spouse is on a work trip for 2 weeks, so he gets to miss out on all of this start to finish! No daycare or taekwondo so I can get a break! No family or support! All me all alone with a shit eyed toddler and no sleep for 2 weeks straight. That’s on top of all the other agonizing responsibilities haunting me every day. I’m so tired, 10 days left…

I watched my grandfather die last night after months of him battling ALS. I’ve already accepted his death years ago and I know he’s at peace now so it’s okay.

But the fact I can’t explain to my dog that she should stop looking for him and waiting for him to walk through the door tears me up inside.

I FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM THE WORLD IS FUCKING BURNING AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT

I’m sick and tired of working for other people. Having to take PTO to do literally anything you want to do on a weekday is so fucked, and I’m one of the lucky people (who works PST while in EST). Corporate policies and politics truly do run rampant through every company, and I just need to keep working on products until one becomes sustainable long-term.

Feel like that’s the key to financial and physical freedom - making the next big thing, then getting it to a solid state and just doing gradual improvements. Don’t pull a spez, don’t piss people off and don’t add too many new features after a while or you’ll kill what you have. And for the love of GOD, don’t go public.

IPO’ing and going public are what kill companies with great things running for them, simply due to the “keep growing every day until the company inevitably collapses” mindset.

I’m a skilled fuckin mason. But I’ve put my notice in so I’m being given all the shit jobs on my last week. The past three days I’ve been descaling parts of the wall. What’s descaling you ask? Going over the entire wall with a hand brush and a wire brush, knocking off all the loose bits. Meanwhile their star mason is installing stones with ledges so big you could hang a fuckin coffee cup off em, and totally missing mortar on entire stones. Literally just plop em on the wall and keep going. Fuck this place, and fuck Bob specifically.

I wish my life wasn’t this complicated. Wife left me couple of years back on her own and now she won’t divorce me until I pay a heft amount to her. On top of stress and depression, I got diagnosed with multiple health problems including high cholesterol and diabetes. Life sucks for me at this point. I just wish all this gets over soon so I can focus on my health and career more.

I am so angry. I am so sick and tired of just stating my experiences as a woman and having people who are not women straight up tell me that I’m wrong. About my own life experiences. It’s fucking exhausting to be surrounded on all sides by bad faith actors, knowing full well that you won’t get through to them, and feeling defeated, like the world is going backwards and you can feel your rights being torn away from you bit by bit, trying desperately to stand up for yourself and having any words you say fall on deaf ears. I’m so sick of not being listened to. I’m so sick of not being believed. I am so fucking sick of not being respected. I just want to be treated like a human and not be criticised for literally just fucking existing.

I’m so done.

poolitics <leaving the typo> - just… ugh, all of it!

I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

The world is way too loud, and people don’t seem to care about it, blocking the problem with Noise Reduction but not at the source of the problem

Depression. I am very lonely. I have no plans for the future. Everything feels meaningless, most of all my existence.

Well you see I just found the fediverse and everything seemed fine, then you get issues with the front page not updating, and deleted comments don’t federate and user display names and profile descriptions doesn’t update and um… its just annoying. Not anyone’s fault, developing code is hard, I know, but this is a post about venting so…

And real life is just not something I’d even wanna begin talking about, it’d would be 5 more paragraphs of stuff no one wants to read.

I’m lonely. I broke up with my partner Valentine’s Day before last (found out she was cheating on me!). Turned 30 late last year, I work from home, and I’m not super outgoing y’know? I haven’t tried online dating since 2017 prior to this and it just sucks. It’s awful. It’s so hard to get a sense of a person on there so it ends up not being very successful. I’m sick of being in my apartment like fucking Rapunzel in the tower.

I have no energy to do the things I want to do and my parents would pull the “I worked full time and got a masters”. Like yeah, of course I appreciate their sacrifice but damn.

Every weekend I stay up trying to recoup some time to do the things I want but I end up just feeling more tired.

Mostly unrelated but also I feel like I’m living half a step detached from society. I am grateful for my SO who mostly get me at least.