I can’t tell if I’m les or bi. I mean, I feel like I’ve liked men a lot especially when I was younger, yet lately with all the bad experiences with men and some of them being overly sexual towards me, I can’t see myself dating one.

While I do see the beauty of men, I don’t know if I’d ever date a man, and mostly I don’t find myself attracted towards men. The people I find myself attracted to, even before I know their gender, are always nonbinary masc when they “look masculine”, never people who identify as men.

I constantly switch between “maybe I like men” and “I probably don’t”, which could be me being bi and going through the “bi-cycle”, but I also feel like my feeling like I “needed” a man in the past was due to heteronormativity and comphet and every woman around me being bi or straight and preferring men.

I noticed I could never relate to my straight friend who used to bully me, not because she bullied me, but because she would gush over dudes and would hate it when I gushed over women. She also found girls kissing gross but IDK if she still does, we were like 13 when this happened.

Anyway, I could never relate and always wanted to talk about girls and didn’t really see men through “rose-coloured glasses” like a lot of girls my age did.

No one can decide this for me, but I need some help…

  • nullroot@lemmy.world
    2·
    8 hours ago

    As a man, I can say truthfully lots of us are overly sexual and kinda suck sometimes. I think having it as a general rule not dating men might be a good thing for you especially if your experiences have not been great. I will say, however, attraction like gender is a spectrum and there’s always a chance you’ll find the perfect human for you that just so happens to be a guy. I’ve always been open to finding a partner that may not have been expected but might also be just right. With time I’ve pretty well come to the conclusion that I’m very straight, but it sounds like you still aren’t so sure, so my advice would be to be open to finding the right human and those other pesky things like what’s in their pants will sort themselves out eventually.

  • Shayeta@feddit.orgEnglish
    5·
    18 hours ago

    Whatever you’re attracted to is specific only to you. Why go through the effort of trying to fit into a pre-defined box? Why not just be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to and try to avoid thinking about how that reflects on your sexuality?

    Instead of thinking “Am I lesbian or am I bi?”, why not just go “I am attracted to X type of people.”? Boxes and labels are useful when talking about groups of people, not so much when talking about individuals, especially those that blur the lines like yourself.

    Don’t worry, be happy.

  • ThotDragon@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    9·
    23 hours ago

    look, don’t worry about the label. Just be your queer self and date who you like. In time you’ll feel more settled in what you’re doing and maybe know what labels you want to use to describe yourself. And maybe you wont. And both are good.

  • Wendy (she/her)@piefed.socialEnglish
    6·
    1 day ago

    I think you’re a lot like me, I consider myself bi because I like nonbinary MASC people and women, but everyone is different and non-men who love non-men are typically defined as lesbians, so I’m questioning but probably that