• Crashumbc@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    People absolutely get that kind of confidence by being really good looking…

    What you found was an outlier, a unicorn. It happens but that in no way changes reality.

    • Sotuanduso@lemm.ee
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      6 months ago

      You can also get that kind of confidence by not worrying about where you fall on the attractiveness scale. I like to think I’m that way. If I wanted to I could definitely pick out things that might make me ugly, but I don’t worry about it. I care more about the interactions I have with people than I do about how I physically look. The only things about my appearance that give me a degree of confidence are just things that amuse me, like that I always wear the same color scheme or that my normal and facial hair differ in color and texture.

      I can think of at least two of my friends who also share the quality of being comfortable and self accepting despite not being physically attractive, and I really enjoy being friends with them.

          • someacnt_@lemmy.world
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            6 months ago

            Because I have hard time ignoring my appearance issues because people bring it up so often. I cannot comprehend being able to ignore those…

            • Sotuanduso@lemm.ee
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              6 months ago

              Who’s bringing up your appearance issues? Friends? Family? Bullies? Strangers in the street?

              • someacnt_@lemmy.world
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                6 months ago

                Ofc not families, but social peers and strangers bring these up. I don’t have friends… Maybe so many people are just bullies?

                • Sotuanduso@lemm.ee
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                  6 months ago

                  That seems… quite odd to me. Are you in grade school? That might explain it.

                  • someacnt_@lemmy.world
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                    6 months ago

                    No, I am in graduate program of a university. but it does seem like many of them never grew out of grade school…

                    Not that they need to be in this sense. In a competition-driven society, you only need to survive yourself, it is a good option to kick someone else down to go up higher. Idk if such manipulation skills would require the “growing up” part.

      • Crashumbc@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        TWO WHOLE FRIENDS! Stop the presses!

        The research has been done on this. The undeniable fact is “pretty” people have a clear advantage in life.

        I know that may make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the truth. The same as being poor is a disadvantage so is being ugly.

        Just like someone who grows up poor can overcome it, so can ugly people. But that doesn’t mean the disadvantage isn’t there…

        • Sotuanduso@lemm.ee
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          6 months ago

          You called one person being that way an outlier, so I added three more from my own experience (two friends and myself.)

          And yeah, maybe that is still an outlier. I’m willing to accept that, because I have something that might explain why it’s more common with the people I know. The three of us are part of a Christian fellowship, and Phillipians 3:3 says we have confidence in Christ and not the flesh - interestingly enough, I literally just got back from a Bible study with that group where we hit that verse.

        • lurker2718@lemmings.world
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          6 months ago

          This wasn’t the point as i read, the question was about confidence. And this has little to do with how “pretty” you are. Your confidence is only in your mind. Sure if others think of you as ugly, it’s harder to gain confidence. But I think especially a lot of girls have confidence issues with their appearance despite looking “good”.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      You get that kind of confidence by not giving a shit about what other people think in terms of your physical attractiveness. I don’t think I’m especially good looking. I also couldn’t give less of a shit. Which is why I have the confidence to have the facial hair of a 19th century president. Because a mutton chops beard is fucking awesome. I’m married, but I wouldn’t even care if I was single. I’m keeping my mutton chops.

      • someacnt_@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        I wish this kind of attitude is acceptable in my country. Over here, even something like this is enough to make you weirdo and quickly alienate you.

          • someacnt_@lemmy.world
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            6 months ago

            Does that mean you have zero friends, struggle to get a job, and generally socially isolated? If not, I don’t think we have the same problem.

      • Crashumbc@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        Absolutely, I said it gives a natural advantage, it is more like getting a good starting hand in cards. It doesn’t mean you automatically win. Or loose if you get a 4,5…

        Too many in this thread are for a variety of reasons taking my statement to mean “OMG if you’re not pretty you’re doomed”