

I tried so hard to be a Pentecostal Christian.
But they were flouncing about and I was just… standing there. Aghast.
Everyone was crying in the ecstasy of religious fervour and despite the emotional high I, wasn’t.
I haven’t drank the kool aid. Kind of a shit answer to this question TBH but there it is.
When did I succumb?
Okay. Here’s as close as I got.
It’s early 2000’s.
I am in Whitehorse, YK.
I am am a supervisor for a contract inventory company.
We are waiting, around 40+ of us in the cold, to inventory the Walmart up there at 5:30am in the morning.
To be clear, some of us were up at 3:30am when it was still sunny out the “night before” living our best lives.
There is a drunk, and high, native. He’s in the parking lot we’re all gathering in. And he’s making everyone uncomfortable. He’s bouncing around a bunch of people who have no idea how to deal with him but I see he’s got a line I can understand…
Me, being me, decides my white ass (I have a lot of indigenous ancestry that isn’t readily apparent) gets it.
So while 50+ people make a circle around him, I walk up to him. Sit down, and talk to him.
He tells me about the Sun God.
I am an atheist, then I was more agnostic but close enough.
And y’know what?
He tries, maybe in spite, maybe* because*, he was high as a kite, to sell me on the Sun God.
And, he does.
I am Atheist. There are no gods, no Divinity. No souls. But I mother, fuckin, listen.
If I were to believe in a god, as an atheist, The Sun God would be it.
Because of this high, random ass fuckin’ native who sold me on it in a parking lot while the 50 other people watched and judged him without actually listening didn’t actually listen.
Pentecostal god: believe in me despite no reason to.
Sun God: I am a FUCKING SUN. I give warmth, I am here, on time. Every day. I am life sustaining. I create and I destroy.
I’m still an atheist, I don;t actually believe in the sun god, but if, as an atheist, I was pinned down? The Sun God is about as close as I could get to divinity.







“probably exists”
Exactly.