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Cake day: February 15th, 2025

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  • EriktoADHD@lemmy.worldIs this my ADHD or am I just toxic?
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    7 days ago

    You aren’t “just toxic”, but there are some ADHD traits that are probably behind both the original behaviors and your reactions to your partner calling you out for them. The number one thing is probably feelings of shame because you forget important things, or because you impulsively say or do things that you later regret. Shame and regret are very unpleasant feelings, and it is normal to want to avoid them by justifying your actions.

    I would suggest trying to buy yourself a little space when your partner calls out your bad behaviors. Take a deep breath, and maybe say “I’m sorry. I’m trying to get better at that.” Or, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think that through or I wouldn’t have said it.”

    The two things that drive most negative behaviors are distractibility (which is why you forget important things) and impulsivity (which is why you say or do things that are hurtful, but realize it after the fact). Medication can help with both, but it takes a lot of work to reduce the impact to the point where it’s not a big negative in your life.

    Having a good reminder system can help with forgetfulness. Every phone comes with a calendar and a to-do list. Keep using them and understand that it is a whole set of skills to use them effectively, so it’s going to take time until you get good at it.

    Impulsivity is a bit tougher to overcome. A few simple breathing techniques, and a regular meditation practice can go a long way toward reducing that, though. (Meditation doesn’t mean becoming a Buddhist. Just using one of the meditation apps on your phone every day will have a cumulative effect over the course of weeks and months.)



  • Skim the book, “working effectively with legacy code”. In a nutshell, you write characterization tests around the module or method, then do safe IDE based refactorings, then do some slightly more significant refactorings. After that the code should make enough sense for you to make changes if you need to.

    It is as much in art as a science. The important thing is that as you are doing refactorings, the main one you do is to extract methods, and give the methods clear names that say what they are doing. You should be left with a top-level method that reads like a narrative of what the whole thing does.

    Medication helps me quite a bit. I am also using Atomoxetine. The effect is much more subtle than stimulants, but I think just as powerful in the long run.






  • EriktoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.worldAnyone else where a personal body cam?
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    22 days ago

    Thanks for posting that! I read through it, and I don’t think that it applies to the situation described by the original poster. It includes many interactions where both sides were intoxicated in some way, and had a criminal history. They did some interesting work in matching controls to the victims of gun assaults, but as the limitations section discusses, it really doesn’t apply to a “responsible armed citizen” scenario, which is how I interpreted the recommendation above.

    It is certainly still plausible that merely having a gun does not protect one very well from assault. The potential mechanisms of causation that the study authors came up with make for an interesting read, but the risk numbers don’t really seem to connect to those mechanisms.

    I think there are pretty good reasons to say that more firearms in private hands is a detriment from a public health perspective. I just don’t think that this study adds much to that conversation.