(no banana)

bro look at my capitalist attack dogs, they don’t even know what commerce is anymore

how will they maintain my beautiful fourth reich without even a basic understanding of material reality

why does the tractor have boss music?

They have been hitting him with the heart-attack gun continuously since he started running for President, but because his heart is constantly failing on its own, all the gun is doing is restarting it.

The A stands for

Israeli Tom Cruise rappelling down from the ceiling of the Cum Vault to retrieve the American sperm before it’s discovered and potentially corrupting the sacred gene pool.

“The Man in the High Castle” but instead of finding a book, he finds a phone with access to alternate universe twitter where the US was defeated by the USSR in 1930 and he just malds for 500 pages about having to live in dog-water US-hegemony world

this is actually happening, but QTHESTORMM is just living in a much more interesting parallel universe, kinda jealous tbh

Now watch me hit this dab :beorgegush:

“Folks, I’m telling ya’- Marika, or as I like to call her, “Sleepy Marika”, she messed the Elden Ring up real good. No, it’s true, she really messed it up. The Lands Between are disgusting now, broken into little pieces, borders left unguarded. Disrespectful. Miquella has a solution, a yuge solution. Making Altus Great Again, I call it… Look he’s here now on stage, look how eternally youthful and honest he looks folks! 1000 years of love, people, we’re getting rid of the ANTIFA Golden Order losers!”

and she won’t even jerk us off properly

Finno-Korean Hyperwar heads finally vindicated

I think millions of people were killed by Covid precisely because western societies are already supremely tolerant to genocide.

the CIA hit him with the slippery floor gun (it’s just a bucket)

The North Korean Army doesn’t have trucks or trains, so they have to march across Russia on foot

probably thinks it was Bin Laden

finally the last person on earth, Netanyahu breathes a sigh of relief - now he can relax. He feels the barrel of a gun press into his back. Bibi turns around - it’s a second Bibi

A second, bigger Empire has shown up to shoot down known terrorist Luke Skywalker and a squadron of illegal X-wing fighters. Reportedly the terrorist group was attempting to sabotage the newly built Tactical Defensive Moonlet (only used for defensive planetary disintegration)

• Coruscant Times

Grand Emperor Bai-Den reportedly ‘very displeased’ with Emperor Palpatine, urges the Empire to stop blowing up planets within 6-8 years or he’ll be ‘big mad’.

• Outer Rim Gazette

The Grand Emperor allocates 800 quintillion credits in military aid to Palpatine.

• Galaxy Central News Network