the only part i didnt like was how far away they are on that kiss. like get in there and hold each other damn.

master escape room idea: you’re in your bed and you have one hour to get out of bed, and there’s and eepy cutie in there with you who wants you to stay and cuddle more

i grew up in an abusive household too but thankfully it was never sexual or violent (although i guess im not counting all the spanking… with a wooden spoon…), but was absolutely emotionally abusive. its hard to describe to people how bad it was and how it made me feel. every failure was my fault and punishable according to the capricious whims of my dad, and every success was expected and served only to raise the bar for next time. i never knew for sure what would set him off and earn me some kind of punishment. sometimes it was obvious, not meeting some obligation i was aware of but couldnt meet because of how my brain works. sometimes i just violated some unspoken expectation i could never have known because i was never told. sometimes for no reason at all just because he was in a bad mood and i happened to be in view. sometimes, a lot of times actually, i got in trouble just for having feelings about things, positive or negative. i felt like all they really wanted was an obedient doll who stayed out of the way when they didnt want something from me.

the worst part of all of it was that everyone around me acted like it was my fault. i wanted to be good. i wanted to be safe. i wanted to trust and love my parents and live up to their expectations and for them to be proud of me. but it was impossible and that was my fault. i was bad. i was disobedient. i had a problem with authority. no one had to look for a reason for it to be my fault they just knew it was at a glance.

sometimes i feel like it would have been better if something worse happened, so at least i could show someone the evidence of my abuse. some major injury maybe. bruises. a broken limb. something. all i got was deep emotional scars that im still trying to work through and heal, 12 years after moving out of their house.

idk why i typed all this. i hope youre doing ok these days.

they originally asked for patient consent to be waived so they could do their study, then when denied went and got the data on a technicality and used it for their study anyway. fucking blatant skirting of ethics rules, to say nothing of their bigoted intent in the first place.

aaaah kitty! is he yours? kitties are the best i love my babies so much.

you can get better. i thought the same thing a few years ago when i finally started going to therapy. in the beginning it didnt feel like i was doing anything, like it wasnt working. i was so deep in masking, my maladaptive coping strategies, my numbness and fear. but slowly i started challenging myself to change, to address the ways i hurt myself to protect myself. ive learned a lot and changed a lot, and i sometimes even feel some hope that i can be a real person, and sometimes i even feel like i am. theres still so much to do but im getting better all the time.

its hard, and it hurts, and its so fucking scary to try to heal the parts of you deep inside that other people beat into submission, but you can do it. just one little step at a time.

just to check, have you read the rules of this community?

id like to be able to therapize myself and make progress resolving my traumas and maladaptive coping strategies more quickly. im tired of feeling fucked up and that becoming the problem of the people i care about :/

yet you self censored? put your fucking money where your fucking mouth is. fuck.

but yapping is how i bond with people 🥺

you should! get two so they have a friend. thanks :3

hehe its one of my favorite parts of having a black cat. she fits my aesthetic so well :3

ive kinda felt guilt and shame about it for a long time, but sex has been a pretty consistent special interest of mine. ive been leaning into it unapologetically lately and have been happy to find people who arent put off by how into it i am, and even value my enthusiasm. its not nerdy in the traditional sense but theres so much to learn and improve at, and every partner has new and interesting depths to explore, so to speak. i even get to learn new things about myself in the process.

your brother is gonna love it on you almost as much as he loves it off you :3

i dont believe theres such a thing as enough cats. ones living situation may dictate that some amount is too much, but it always manages to fall far short of enough.

as an aspiring tomboy, i sure fucking hope so lol

its definitely real though. the way my brain responds to stimulants is completely different from how people without ADHD respond. often caffeine has no effect on my wakefulness at all, and usually makes me sleepy, unless i have a lot. and taking my prescribed stimulants makes me calm and focused where others would be euphoric and amped up. thats the most clear evidence that my brain literally functions differently, but theres also a mountain of other more subtle evidence.

wooow youre only exploiting people slightly less than you could be? color me impressed. and benefits day one? how generous of you not forcing people to wait for health care that they may require to continue living. like i said, fuck the company.

fuck the business. they want fair treatment they can provide fair compensation.