Haven’t tried it, but you could use a smartphone + Corne Choc + trackpoint
It’s wired. There are versions with Bluetooth but no trackpoint.
It fits in a external hard disk case
In zero time: no one. Emacs gives you all the ingredients to make an IDE, but you can't bake a cake in zero time. It will take time (and be gradual, just like leavening).
Can't give you exhaustive reply right now but I suggest to try fit your editor to one language at a time: start with Emacs Lisp, then maybe Python then something else…
Make Emacs fit your needs NOW, or you'll get overwhelmed.
Java doesn’t love you