I didn’t want to put out a brusque reply, partly to not offend anyone and partly so I don’t get hoisted by my own petard in the future.

I dreamed when I was young that I had a machine that could alter the very fabric of reality. Turn dirt into gold, turn trash into treasure, change a person’s body to be young and strong and perfect in every way.

I dreamed about how I could have the perfect male body, tall, fit, perfect in every way with such a machine, and then the thought crossed my mind that even if I was physically perfect in every way it wouldn’t mean that a woman would want to automatically be with me because of who I am as a person.

That self-inflicted gunshot wound to the skull of my self-esteem dealt a heavy blow to my burgeoning manhood, and I don’t know if I have really gotten over it despite having slept with many women and even married one of them.

That being said, I don’t believe I have an egg to crack. I hate myself, yes, but so much so that even if I were different, either a perfect man or a perfect woman, it wouldn’t fix what’s wrong with me.

Being a woman won’t make me stop hating myself, it would only give me new things to hate about myself and new yardsticks that I can’t measure up to.

And aside from that, men are not attractive to me at all. Like, maybe hormones would affect that and change my mind but other stuff probably has to happen first before I even consider crossing that bridge.

All of that being said, I deeply respect the other people who are going through that. I can only barely imagine what it’s like for them.