You know how there are people that are born because their parents condom failed, or got drunk and had unprotected sex, or was born because of SA, or otherwise “weren’t supposed to be born”?

Well, that’s basically me, but its not the usual scenario. I was the second child born during the infamous One Child Policy, and I just keep thinking: what if the government had it their way and managed to terminate me while in gestation?

I know it was a long time ago and I should stop thinking about it. But I kinda, sort of, in a way, feel like those kids that are born “by accident”, as in: not meant to exist, “outside of God’s plan” (figuratively speaking, I’m not religious). I talked to my mother about it, but then she was just dismissive of these thoughts and doesn’t understand what an existential crisis is.

And it especially hurts when sometimes my mother told me she regretted making that decision violate policy to have me because I wasn’t being obiedient enough. Some filial piety bs.

What the fuck is my life? The world is collapsing, revolts and civil unrest everywhere, everything seems so surreal.

Edit: And also its like 1:45 AM here, sleep schedule is fucked lol