Online just gives you the freedom to be your inner true deep down self. We all know nobody in person ever shows who they truly are the first moment they meet everybody lives there life with a mask on. They want to hide that part of them. If how you treat people online is not how you would treat people in person because you think they might find you intolerable then I would say that’s a significant issue.
There are 9001 things going on at the same time. I’ll list four that I believe to play a role.
[Pseudo-]anonymity: the consequences of your behaviour won’t haunt you afterwards → you’re freer to act as you want, sometimes at the expense of the other person.
Community size: our RL communities are effectively rather small, we’re bound to interact with the same people over and over, so we monitor our interactions with them a bit better.
Lack of context + assumers: petty fights often pop up because some trashy person assumed = made shit up based on what someone else said, and the other got understandably pissed. This happens IRL too but there’s less room for the assumer to do so - as contextual clues help to dictate the correct interpretation of what the other said.
Asynchronous communication: people slight each other all the time, but offline you’ll only notice it when it’s too late. Online however you can re-read what someone else said, notice it, and then reply.
Personally I believe that my behaviour online isn’t too different from offline. People often notice that I have a short fuse towards stupidity; including saying equivalent to “go lick a cactus”, “cut off the crap” or “not wasting my time with you”. As in, I’m a bit of an arsehole online, but so I am offline, you know?
My online persona is definitely different from IRL, and it differs IRL depending on who I’m interacting with. But these are all the real me. My ability to communicate via text is generally better than spoken, so that is reflected in how I write, what I write about, as well as how little I speak in person.
Secondly, in person communication has clearer continuity. If I have multiple conversations with a given person, I learn a bit about them and their communication style, allowing me to adjust how I speak to be better understood by that person. Online, I rarely remember who I’m talking to, so I just write in whatever way feels most natural to me.
The real time nature of in person communication also limits what you can bring up and when. Anything you say requires the other party to respond immediately, and if you recognize that they’re not in the mood to think particularly hard, then you don’t bring up difficult topics. Online conversations don’t come with this kind of information, but it does give you the flexibility to answer whenever you want, or not at all, so many things that I would not deem acceptable in an IRL setting can be acceptable online.
So in summary, different situations do call for different behaviours. But that’s not problematic any more than behaving differently at a party and at a funeral is problematic.
the idea that we are one person who is the same in all contexts makes no sense a basic level
I don’t see how we are like the other individual said multifaceted the being online with no true consequence for what you say is a true test of where your inclinations point toward if you are truly kind then who you are online would reflect that because you have full freedom to be as thoughtful as you want without feeling like your being to much the same can be said for those you are rude and obnoxious if being online only tends to bring that up to the surface more of you may be inclined to that then your in person mask lets on.
This assumes we have only one true self, and that only one version of our self is authentic, the rest must be masks constructed from cowardice and self deception…
I think not only does that way of seeing things constantly lead you on a wild goose chase through a never ending crowd of masks, it sets you up to cynically doubt the authenticity of every version of someone you meet which gets you nowhere towards understanding them.
Interesting
There’s no core real you, no true deep down self.
We’re social mammals and the immediate social situation were in is one of the many factors that determine our behavior from moment to moment.
You are who you choose to be, no matter the situation.
This loaded question looks mainly intended to convey the asker’s pessimistic view of human nature. The alternative answers proposed do not even contradict each other.
Here’s a simple thought experiment. Are you - you - a fundamentally bad person? Are you rude and uncivil to the people you meet in person during your everyday life?
Of course you’re not. Well there’s no obvious reason to suspect that everyone else should be different to you.
If you found any pessimism in what I asked it was put there by those who do not understand the fundemental meanings of existence and to think outside of themself. “We are given the gift of life” it’s part of a quote by Jane Goodall in it she asks how we will choose to use that gift. If you are one who self reflects, learns lessons in all things, chooses to understand the the reasons for peoples perspectives not always believing them but having a respect for the fact it’s different. Then one is living a life outside of themself and seeing this hurting world for what it is and chooses not to be apart of creating more pain and who then when sees others acting in a malicious way for no reason. Makes sure they get the point that they are foolish. Why? Because why not and who else. If more people did it there would be less jerks in the world.
I’m pretty much the same person online or irl. Im too crazy to bother keeping track of 2 different personalities.
Same. I try to be a good person in general, but I usually warn people, I can be feisty if pushed. I made a 35 minute slide show to explain how 9/11 wasn’t an inside job to my brother-in-law, as I was tired of hearing about it. Granted, it was remarkably condescending… I even had a Q-and-A afterwards with statistics. But, to be fair he has never discussed theories or politics with me again, so win-win? 🤣
Me too. That just sounds even more exhausting than my life already is
I think I average out to the most normal person on the internet, and the most annoying irl.
No one can punch you through a screen.
Truth but if they could I would still call them on their crap.
Is it truly because you’re not face to face or is it really because at your core that’s the real you.
Yes.
You’re the real you when not face to face.
So are you the same abrasive person IRL?
Only when faced with bad attitudes, picking for the sake of picking or those who feel comfortable sitting in there own feces because nobody has ever told them their crap stink.
I get what you’re saying, and I think that’s often the case, but I don’t think it can be generalized to EVERYONE.
Being face to face with someone generally reduces aggression. You can see that you’re talking to a real person and can infer details about them based solely on appearance.
Online, we don’t know who’s at the other end. Are they a curious child asking innocent questions, or a Nazi sea-lioning to spread misinformation? You don’t want to be mean to a confused kid, but you don’t want to acknowledge the Nazi. The same conversation could sound very different depending on who you think is on the other end.
Also, we may not always be showing our “true selves” online, we might also be creating a version of us that’s FURTHER from reality in order to get a point across to the person we assume is at the other end.
Ok a very respectable thought on the matter and truly thought provoking response. Thank you. I am always looking for ways to improve how I think, approach a situation and understand perspectives of others this gives me something fascinating to consider.
I act like I do online and offline, with one exception - at my job. At my job, it’s customer-service face until I die. While I am at work, nothing matters besides your interest in spending money.
I’d almost say I’m more polite online than I am in person. But others don’t really say the same stupid bullshit to me that they do when not face to face, so generally I’m not getting into the same interactions. However, they do happen - and my wife says I will absolutely get myself shot one day with the way I talk to people.
I think it’s the second option.
I also think that everyone should have just one internet account. And every website you sign up for or account you create or whatever has your real name publicly associated with it.
You could still post anonymously, but there would be no username associated with it. Just “Guest” or “Anonymous” or whatever. No linking back to your socials if you say a bunch of crazy shit online without using your actual identity.
My online personas are pretty “me” but I take liberties that allow me to appear a little larger than life. I try to be truthful, but sprinkle a bit of fantasy and redirection in, either as a catalyst or to avoid identification. It’s all one big social experiment.
“Social media made y’all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.”
- Mike Tyson
I’d say more the latter, but people are multifaceted, so it’s likely not quite the case that it’s people being their true inner selves as just indulging a part of their true inner selves.
