What should I do if I don’t have anything to enjoy and I don’t have a bright future to work for/ wait it?
As an extra note, I started to hate dealing with humans and I don’t have any friends.
Therapy
Change your name and/or pronouns. Half joking, a lot of us live overcast lives as a result of feeling trapped in someone else’s life. If you don’t have friends then what’s there to lose?
There’s a meme in Norway for this where professionals always ask “did you try hiking?”
Seriously though did you try hiking? There are no problems in the back country. Or people.
This question is way above Lemmy’s pay grade. I hope your situation gets better. People are right in saying that if self-help fails then it’s time to give professional help another chance if that’s accessible for you.
I do listen to a lot of podcasts and have recently heard something relevant from an expert in the field:
The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos: How to Find Your Purpose
Episode webpage: https://omny.fm/shows/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/how-to-find-your-purpose
Your post history also indicates that you’re routinely steeped in the worst doom news that social media serves up. It seems like it would be worth taking a break from consuming this material and find alternative ways to spend your time.
See a professional, seriously, because this sounds like textbook early depression.
Sadly, I saw 3 different professionals, it does not work.
I was expecting that they won’t have a magic phrase to say and solve my issues before I go to them and I partially went due to the advice of the people around me.
After going and finding out myself, I can confirm that I was right.
Therapy takes work, my friend. Professionals can’t help you unless you want help and are willing to work toward change. If you’re expecting some external factor to “fix it for you,” you’re going to be disappointed
Therapy isn’t geared towards men who don’t know how to put their expressions into words. It’s geared towards women. Many professional therapists agree that Therapy is not suitable for all men. Therapy is W.E.I.R.D. Designed around White, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic. It’s only one tiny slice of the pie when it comes to human emotions, expression, and the science of psychology - which makes psychology – at best – a pseudoscience.
This is sexist af
If you think me pointing out that therapy isn’t designed around how men operate somehow makes ME sexist, you need to step back and evaluate yourself.
Why’d you respond to this guy and not me, who posted a long, professional response ten hours before him? Btw, I agree your take is sexist, because you’re basing your view on stereotypes of men and not on any evidence.
As a (male) psychotherapist, I really have to disagree with you on all counts. A common goal in psychotherapy is to learn how to recognize and describe your internal experience. Lots of people struggle with this, men and women. Every single person walks into therapy with a different set of circumstances and a different set of objectives, and I’ve never once heard a single psychotherapist say “therapy is not suitable for all men.” That doesn’t make sense.
Anecdotally, it is true that men seem less likely to approach therapy with willingness. This is a trend I’ve noticed, and is by no means a rule. What this demonstrates is a difference in socialization and acculturation between genders, so that men and women tend to “start” psychotherapy in different places in regards to social/emotional development. But psychotherapy as a discipline is absolutely not geared toward women over men.
Great answer, thank you.
Whether it’s through professionals IRL or strangers on the Internet, it’ll require effort on your part. You’re going to have to want to be an active participant and willing to work on yourself. It will be a process, not a single event.
What does “work on yourself” mean in this context?
Changing habits, thought patterns etc. A therapist can’t do that for you, that’s something you have to do yourself thus “work on yourself”
I am tired from people who talk in wide way that can be applied everywhere and would result in nothing.
To add to this, I was following therapist orders, it did nothing.
That is actually is kind of what I meant when I said that I assumed that they don’t have a magic pharse, meaning that they their orders and pills sadly did not work and I was right in the sense that they were unable to solve my issues as I expected.
I don’t think it’s a therapist’s job to fix your problems. It’s a therapist’s job to help you figure out how to fix your own problems. If you don’t what that, they will absolutely be useless.
Your therapist should give you tools to change these things that’s why I mentioned them. You have to use them and want to use them (changing your thought patterns). I see this all the time with people coming here who don’t know how to proceed in life anymore and they always dismiss everything that is said to them. You have to want to change, nobody is doing that for you, they can just give you the tools to do so but ultimately it’s up to you.
I was expecting that they won’t have a magic phrase to say and solve my issues
That is a logical expectation because that’s not what they do.
After going and finding out myself, I can confirm that I was right.
Ahh, so, you were expecting them to TRY to fix you with a magic phrase and when the magic phrase never came, you assumed that they had failed.
You got it all backwards. Those people don’t fix you. They teach you, they point you in the right direction, they tell you the things your friends won’t, they ask the questions you’ve been avoiding.
YOU fix YOU.
If the athlete doesn’t show up for the competition, they can’t blame the loss on bad coaching.
Also go to someone who prescribes meds, and take them.
That said, I feel you are right to hate the other humans. They are really, really stupid.
They kept making me try meds, they never work.
They take quite some time to get the full effect. Like it could be a couple of months before you start seeing improvement.
Therapy is a vehicle, and you are the driver. You’re only going to move forward if you drive.
That being said, finding a therapist you work well with is hard, and, in my experience, takes quite a few tries before finding someone with whom you are comfortable.
My suggestion is to find someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and literally read this post to them. I’ve had luck using Alma to find a therapist (in the US).
I genuinely hope you are able to work through this - I’ve been there, as have many people. You can do this, and you’re not alone
Get a dog. Always happy to see you when you get home, will pester you relentlessly into moderate excercise, #1 wingman for meeting friends or significant others.
I owned a dog for brief amount of time.
Trust me, no.
The dog deserve a better human who can stay active with him.
Such thoughts can be very overwhelming, ever present, consuming. Imagine swimming against a strong current. Sometimes it’s important to just take a break. Get out of the stream and watch it rush by. Of course you can’t stay out forever, there are factors beyond your reach, it pulls you back in. But the best bet to beat the pull of this vortex is to try and create as many of these breaks as possible. Small as they may be. While you rest, consider the advice in this thread. It’s benevolent, you know? Consider a dialectic position. For every bad thing that pulls you down, think about a good thing that lifts you up too. Literature can be powerfull too, in that you might discover descriptions, states and emotions in which you find yourself in a way you never could phrase it yourself. It’s all about a balance of “being seen”, receiving empathy, regaining agency and changing perception.
Did you try jerking off?
Temporary pleasures don’t fill the void.
It would work for small amount of hours before returning to the void of nothingness.
Maybe smoke a joint.
We should hang out some day.
All you a girl with sweet boobage?!
No, but my wife is! 😏
She sounds hot, can I hang out too?
Sure! You like board games? Or retro Nintendo? We got plenty of both!
Goddamn I wish I could. People describe it as pleasurable and then relaxing. But I’ve never been able to do it. It’s like either the nerve endings aren’t hooked up right or there is some sort of brain defect, but I lack the ability for pleasure there, myself.
Sorry, I’m not the OP.
I’m almost afraid to ask, but are you sure you’re doing it right?
I’ve tried various different areas. If there is some sort of secret technique that everyone just magically knows, I could never figure it out.
Without much else to go off of, the best all purpose advice I can give is: lubrication. Best wishes to you!
… what are you working with down there?
Vulva/vagina
If possible, I recommend therapy. Been relying on it for decades and eventually learned to love myself. Everything good in my life now is because therapy helped me become a better person.
Life is like a garden. If you want to sit around and curse at the thistles and weeds, you can, but they will continue to grow as you fixate on them. If you see beauty and follow it, then cultivate it, you will be in a beautiful garden. It’s not instantaneous, and it takes work. The work starts in your mind. Negative thoughts will blind you to good opportunities. If you don’t know where you’re going, any place will get you there. Maybe a good place to start is finding the tolerable humans, and see where it takes you.
Psychedelics
Antidepressants
Antidepressants just make you feel nothing. In many cases it’s worse than not being on them.
You need different antidepressants. I’m on prozac, and it only makes me feel better.
This is not true for plenty of people. Antidepressants saved my life, and I still feel things.
I think that is called the human condition.
This is a discussion to have with professionals in a professional setting. No one here is responsibly equipped to answer this in a chat forum. This obviously includes me.
That being said, I do not think about the future - live your life second-by-second.
Despite what people say, life is not meant to be enjoyed. We live in a time of lawlessness and over-abundance, so people often equate life with enjoying things. At your core, you are a biological package of electrical circuits and tools. When you do something your body deems beneficial, you enjoy it (as in signals reward your brain).
If you want to enjoy, then a general tip is to return to the fundamentals. Eat healthy food, exercise, explore, learn, and talk to people in real life. If this doesn’t work, then you need to speak with a professional (probably a therapist) to find what does.
Hating humans is not viable, you simply need to stop that. This is not to say let yourself be abused and runover, but you need to form bonds with people - this is our inescapable nature.
Schedule everything then? If you’re already nothing then suffering through some anxiety to plan something new isn’t much worse than literally nothing right? So plan shit out, and stick to said schedule. Find a hobby where you can meet people you don’t hate? Music, games, fostering kittens, whatever idk.
You clearly need a community. There are millions of them, plenty accepting. Just ideally find a positive one before you end up in a negative one.
