• Dr. Wesker@lemmy.sdf.org
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    1 year ago

    I hate that they made me feel that way …

    And on that day, no personal responsibility was taken.

  • regularassbitch [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    1 year ago

    They have a very different view of what constitutes an unsafe space, for the last day or so every time I saw a username with pronouns my whole body would tighten up, my asshole would go rogue and start sputtering out diarrhea farts like coughs from a terminal covid patient. Every fiber of my body would vibrate. One time I blacked out and woke up to find myself running through the halls of a Motel 6. Nobody seemed to mind until I jumped into the pool from a second floor balcony, shitting the entire time and racing my liquid fecal matter to the water. I landed in a cloud of diarrheal mist, emerging from the slop a changed person. I hate that they made me feel that way about something that should be good. I will not miss them.

      • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        Look, I grew up in a seriously abusive household which caused me constant psychological distress and I can relate to hearing the key in the front door being the “Oh shit, here it comes… I wonder what shit is going to come down on me today” feeling.

        What I cannot tolerate is the idea that this is in any way close to what the US and its shitbag allies inflicted upon Afghanistan.

        Does this person seriously believe that the counterinsurgency work, the rampant human rights abuses, the kidnapping and literal torture, the fucking war for God’s sake, etc. inflicted by the NATO axis upon Afghanistan is in any way comparable to an abusive household?

        Do they think that the issues of domestic violence didn’t occur in Afghanistan during the war and the occupation, like they were somehow put on pause, rather than the war and occupation compounding the trauma that abused children in Afghanistan faced and continue to face today as a consequence of the war?

        Have they no idea how domestic violence rates increase as a direct result from war and occupation? Or do they just have no compassion for other victims of abuse?

        Did their psychologically abusive father happen to use depleted uranium weapons on them, for fuck’s sake?

        This is just gross and a classic case of a victim not only appropriating the trauma of other survivors but using that appropriation to silence the very victims whose trauma they are appropriating and they should be disgusted in themselves for doing this, if they had any capacity for humility or shame.

        • Barbariandude [he/him]@hexbear.net
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          1 year ago

          To steelman what you’re replying to, I can understand finding it difficult to care about another tragedy, even one as large and affecting as many people as that, when you have your own personal tragedy to deal with on a daily basis.

      • nonbinarytwink [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        I had a similar childhood, but this is a ridiculous take. If you’re projecting your trauma onto strangers, you might want to switch your focus into therapy and not politics, that’s just not healthy

      • Galli [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        Thatcher’s “there’s no such thing as society. There are individual men and women and there are families” worked for killing unions so why not stretch it to justifying imperialism?

    • Fuckass [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      1 year ago
      Cw: rape, murder (Gaddaffi’s death)

      I don’t feel good about minimizing their trauma, but it’s so absurd to single Bernie sanders out. Like, are they not traumatized by the shit Obama and Clinton did? What about jimmy carter? Or Biden? Do their crimes against children and families not trigger any negative memories? Hillary Clinton laughed about having a man raped with a knife and executed, but I never see any American talk about that reminding them of childhood abuse.

      • GamerGulag [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        election season produced some takes that are reminding me a lot of this situation, wherein something completely innocuous/outright good (being openly indignant about systemic oppression, displaying a user’s preferred pronouns) is smeared by liberals who are trying to associate said good things with bad people, thus drawing a connection that anyone who supports these good things is actually a bad person

        they got it with bernie because he yelled, and abusive men also yell, therefore anyone supporting bernie is supporting abuse. the angle taken here is that hexbear users have pronoun tags, and hexbear users are bad, therefore you should be suspicious of anyone who has pronoun tags. they’re just dipping into casual transphobia as a very limp attempt at an own

    • Lojcs@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      I also would like to learn this. Since you people federated I’ve seen more posts complaining about how aggressive users of this instance are than I did from users of the instance. Yall do seem to think about politics (edit: and hate liberals) a lot more than the average user but I’m yet to see the ‘vitriol’

      Edit: this is a genuine question. What bad experience is everyone talking about when they say hexbear is toxic?

      • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        we’re very active and have an anti-lurker culture + no downvotes, so if we see a bad take, we reply instead of downvoting and moving on. this leads a lot of people to get very animated and angry about us.

        • schroed4 [he/Him] @lemm.ee
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          1 year ago

          Most people can’t just move on when they see something that distrubs them, and I think it would be unhealthy for most to change.

          • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.net
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            1 year ago

            agreed! criticism and folding received criticism (even when it’s offered abrasively) back into your own behavior is essential. this was one of the motivators in disabling downvotes.

            • schroed4 [he/Him] @lemm.ee
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              1 year ago

              I expect it likely works quite well in a community where everyone knows and agrees to that. In my opinion, when the pond gets too big it becomes too hard to tell if what the abrasive-but-fair from the just-being-a-jerk comments

              Like, I was distracted for hours and couldn’t sleep then couldn’t work because of a side-comment insult im a post because it went against someone I strongly believe in. Had to research everything that was being said in the post and carefully reply to move on. That is not the life I want for myself. Don’t know how much of that really apply here, since like someone else said, I haven’t actually seen ‘mean’ hexbear comments outside of hexbear, and never gotten one.

              • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.net
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                1 year ago

                In my opinion, when the pond gets too big it becomes too hard to tell if what the abrasive-but-fair from the just-being-a-jerk comments

                firm moderation goes a very long way. if someone is just being a jerk, it’s time to remove the comment. if they’re doing it repeatedly, they need to be banned. doesn’t solve everything but we’ve built a very solid community following this approach over the past 3 years. we’re very tight-knit as a result.

                That is not the life I want for myself.

                no worries, it’s not for everyone.

      • HornyOnMain@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        Early on hexbear really came out swinging and users were basically dunking on people left right and centre in lemmy.ml worldnews so that liberals would post something dumb, be prodded slightly by one or two users, then say something incredibly bad and have several hexbears dunk on them, then because of how active sort works their comments would be pushed higher up in the thread as would the thread into people’s feeds and then they’d get absolutely swarmed at that point.

        • motherfucker [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.net
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          1 year ago

          Yeah, I can see why people who have curated their feed a certain way and have a certain style of browsing schedule (or especially a certain Brand of politics) would see us as this monolithic troll army that came out of nowhere while others would just be kind of baffled about what everyone’s complaints are.

      • usa_suxxx [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        If I had to be nice, I would say that a lot of new Lemmy users have reddit brain and approach using Lemmy like reddit. A constant game of treating your fellow posters as opponents and trying to embarrass them. HexBear early on also had to work on eliminating this mentality

      • motherfucker [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.net
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        1 year ago

        I think it’s largely a disagreement about who is fair game as a target for aggression. Even the “I think everyone should be kind to everyone at all times” crowd has their own share of unkindness, because their concept of kindness tends to revolve around interpersonal nonaggression rather than an empathetic validation of people’s experiences and feelings. In my experience, this emphasis on politeness over validation enables a lot of abusive dynamics. But it’s also a lot simpler to enforce and provides a pretty “objective” judge of correctness of behavior. If you’re focusing on validating people’s feelings, at least in a public forum, you run into many more zero sum games where by validating one person’s feelings, you invalidate another’s. This requires a more complete worldview to create an agreed upon set of standards for how those decisions are made.

        In our case, we sacrifice the validation of our reactionary impulses for the sake of making the space more comfortable for the more vulnerable among us. We see this not only as a righteous tradeoff but also as a cornerstone of the culture we enjoy here. The casual support of marginalized people goes hand in hand with the chill vibe when we’re amongst ourselves.

        The inverse of this is that we are critical of others just as we are critical of ourselves. For most people, it’s the pushback against criticism rather than the criticism itself that causes the real friction. Ability to self-crit is paramount to thriving here, and it’s a skill that is generally taught in a very toxic way for most people in the west. Criticism is used interchangeably with deprecation, when targeted at others as well as the self. So we draw a distinction there between deprecation and criticism and do our best to take a step back.

        I know we’ve been rowdy with all the federation discourse, but people often fail to see the distinction between us being aggressive in the face of bigotry, us being invested in criticisms we’re facing, and us not taking the situation seriously or respectfully. I’m not saying the latter never happens. But it’s much less common than the first two situations.

      • EmmaGoldman [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netM
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        1 year ago

        Just as a clarification, our hatred of liberals is not the same as that of right-wingers. We hate capitalist ideology, not “wokeness” or something nonsensical like that. We are the exact people conservatives are trying to shit on when they say that.