I was bought an expensive dress from a store that has couches in the changing rooms.
I’ve tasted the sweet ambrosia of wealth and I want more like a hungry vampire.
It has become clear to me that by seeing how the other half live that I can no longer tolerate my “tankie” existence and I shall henceforth be pulling myself up by my thigh highs and becoming rich.
My plan includes:
- voting (hard)
- virtue signalling to the upper political class
- Smith (I’m not sure who he is but I’ve heard he has all the answers)
- turning a blind eye to the systemic problems in our system because I benefit from it
- reading the economist
Don’t worry I won’t forget you guys while I dine at gastro pubs and judge the proles for sharing the same air I breath.
I’ll even mention you when I’m rubbing elbows with the elites in a few months 🥰
Now begins my upper class crumpet life.
Rocking up to the posh people looking like
before ordering the fwa grass (idk how to spell it and idc enough to look it up, the thing where they’re really mean to geese to make it)Good choice. You wouldn’t want to embarras yourself by ordering caviar now that China has developed a way of farming it sustainably and cheaply.
New York Times reporters falling over themselves to write the article “Chinese women are eating non-sustainably sourced and overpriced caviar to protest inequality” after reading your comment.
NYT writer tapping their pencil rapidly against the paper and clutching their head trying to think of a tasteful way to compare caviar to Chinese womens’ eggs so they can make a quippy reference to China’s birthrate.
(They can’t think of a tasteful way, but they do it anyway)
Takes another sip of their juicero smoothie
Maybe I can find inspiration from my China mood board 💡
writes about how climate change isn’t real
It’s spelt “Phwoar Gwah” after the sound bri’ish people make when they first taste it.
this is true
Luv me fois gras
Luv me Blossom Hill
Luv me baileys
Ate the proles (not classist just don’t like em)
Ate inheritance tax
Ate social security nets
Simple as
Faux Grass
It’s actually synthetic weed in a pâté
no more half measures walter
you’re pushing me to the right!
I have supped on the iPhone, and it is sweet
Why yes I exclusively dine at Miller and Carter, I fail to see how that reflects my political views
I was bought an expensive dress from a store that has couches in the changing rooms.
I grew up in the 80s and every department store was like that. JC Penny’s used to be like that. Mervyn’s used to be like that. Fucking Ross used to be like that.
I went into a Ross recently and there was literally just a small mountain of stuff piled at the center of the store that a handful of people were picking through like it feral dogs in a junkyard. The entire store was staffed by a single woman basically asleep at the cash register.
This is it, folks. You may not like it, but this is what Peak Capitalism looks like. This is where we’re all headed.
Self service tills in a clothes shop was a new thing I got to try. Wild.
The uber I rode in the other day was a Mercedes Benz A class and now I’m devoting all my energy to setting up a bitcoin mine in rural Uganda (I can use minors as miners).
I always order a “Uber for Ukraine 💛💙” car now so that I can tell my friends over brunch about my activism.
Fuck you for letting me know this exists
Fuck me? Honey get in line 💅
But yeah make sure to take a war uber next time you travel.
Only started in February 2023
The customer is supposed to make a donation as opposed to Uber just donating a share of every ride
I’m starting to think they don’t actually care and are just doing it as a cynical cash grab!
I haven’t ridden an uber in a long time. Is that a real thing?
Every day we stray further from the light of God.
I can use minors as miners
I wish politicians would look out for miners
And not just minors on an island somewhere
Lord, we got folks in the street, ain’t got nothin’ to eat
And the obese milkin’ welfare
People on the street with nothing to eat, so let’s cut food stamps because the homeless are clearly small business owners who have been taxed into poverty by the Democrat party
I’m afraid I have read Marx too hard, and now I am gathering all production to myself like a black hole of centralization. Chapter 15 details my descent into the extremes of productivity until only I am able to perform all labor. I would monopolize the means of labor and make every single last commodity on Earth. From this throne of production I could make a paradise for Arrakis with the wave of my hand. Wh… wait, what was I talking about again?
I’ll have what you’re having please 🙏
Don’t worry I won’t forget you guys while I dine at gastro pubs
Well hello fellow bourgeoisie, good day for hoarding wealth 🧐
On my upper class era by exclusively eating out at chain steak houses like Ruth’s Chris’ Steak’s house’s.
Simon and Garfunkel’s is great I hear just don’t leave your children unattended.
